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Situationships: 5 Clear Signs You *Might* Be Dating

by Facetune Team / October 19, 2021

Sorry not sorry for the purposely vague title of this article; situationships are made to be murky, and our attempt to offer guidance for your situationship will indeed be vague.

We like to think about romantic relationships in terms of “you’re together or you’re not,” but let’s be real: Relationships and commitments happen on a spectrum. You could spend six months “just talking” and find yourself in relationship limbo. 

Sound familiar? This is a situationship: a romantic relationship where you def have interest in each other, but you’re still uncommitted and undefined. It’s pretty common, thanks to texting and dating apps

I’m not saying situationships are terrible; like any type of relationship, they have their pros and cons. A situationship can be great for a variety of reasons: 

  • You still get to enjoy the thrill of the chase. 
  • There’s pretty much zero pressure. 
  • It’s easy to bail if your bae-to-be turns out to be a psycho. 
  • You don’t have the social responsibility of going to their office holiday party together. 

So, yeah, in some ways, you get the emotional (and physical!) fulfillment of a real relationship without making things official.

via GIPHY

But this kind of arrangement has some downsides, like: 

  • No commitment, which can be tough on your heart if that’s what you want. 
  • Ruining a friendship with too many friends-with-benefits hangouts. 
  • No real future. 

The biggest con of being in a situationship is that you might be putting all your time, effort, and money into something that isn’t legit. 

5 signs you’re in a situationship

Dating is pretty murky. You don’t want to scare off someone when you’re just getting to know them, but at the same time, you don’t want to be stuck in situationship limbo for eternity. 

What you do from here is up to you, but here are five surefire signs that you’ve fallen into a situationship. 

1. You haven’t defined the relationship (DTR).

Have you had the DTR talk? If not, you’re probs unsure of where the other person stands on the topic of your relationship. When you don’t DTR, they could be seeing other people. If your best friends ask you if you’re dating anyone and your first response is, “I’m not sure,” that means you’re in a situationship. 

Yes, you probably feel nervous asking about your relationship status. DTR chats can be uncomfortable. But if you’re so nervous about asking that you never have the talk, you’ll be stuck in a situationship going to Nowheresville. 

via GIPHY

2. There’s no consistency.

If you’ve been talking to someone for a few months but you never know when you’ll hear from them, you might be in a situationship. This happens when you’re in a relationship based on convenience: They only see you when it works for their schedule. 

Don’t you deserve somebody who’s there for you? In a full-blown relationship, partners go out of their way to see each other. A situationship, on the other hand, means they’re popping in and out of your life at a moment’s notice. 

3. There’s no talk about the future.

Do you cringe at the thought of talking about the future with your crush? You don’t have to start discussing names for your children or anything, but it’s good to have chats about your future plans. A total absence of talking about the future is a sign that your partner doesn’t see anything long-term with you. Worst-case scenario, they’ll keep stringing you along until they find someone else.

4. There’s only surface-level connection.

C’mon, you’ve been talking to this person for a while. Haven’t you talked with them about anything real yet? If you’re mostly a hookup or a booty call, you don’t have the chance to have deep conversations that lead to love. If you’re looking for The One, stop picking up those booty calls and put that situationship down.

via GIPHY

5. There is no integration of each other’s lives.

Does it ever seem like your crush … doesn’t want people to know about you? This is common with situationships. They want to keep you totally separate from their daily life, family, colleagues, and social calendar. They don’t want to snap a selfie with you to share on Instagram and they certainly aren’t introducing you to their friends. If they keep you at arm’s length like this, you’re in a situationship, not a relationship. 

The bottom line: Situationships can be painful long-term

I know it sounds like I’m anti-situationship, but they can lead to great relationships! If you and your casual partner have strong chemistry, love being together, and develop deep feelings for each other, one conversation can turn your situationship into a relationship. 

The thing is, both of you need to be willing to communicate your feelings in an open and honest way. And if they don’t feel the same way, that sucks, but it frees up both of you to find someone who wants to be with you. Situationships can hurt your heart if you let them continue, so put on a brave face and have that DTR conversation — it could help you find the love of your life.

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